2 years ago today.....

my mom lost her short battle with Cancer. Some days it seems like for ever ago, and some days it seems like just yesterday I was talking to her.

In the last 2 years we have lost ~
* a mother
* a grandmother
* a great grandmother
* a great uncle
* a great aunt
* a brother in law
* a nephew

Before my mom died. Our family had little knowledge about death. We have since learned lots about it and the different emotions that come with it. "LOTS" of different emotions! You learn to deal with your emotions, sometimes they get the best of you at the time you least expect it. Sometimes you feel numb, sad, mad, happy, lonely. Sometimes you have to run fast to keep up with the world as it still moving and going on and you kind of feel left behind. I sure have learned alot about people. Death brings the best out in us and unfortunately brings out the worst.
In the past 2 years I have learned lots about people.....

* they are loving
* they mean well
* they are selfish
* they are mean
* they are forgiving
* they think they know what is best
* they forget about you
* their lives move on
* no matter how old you are when you loose your mom, she is still gone

People ask what we think about my dad moving on with his life and getting married here very soon. Well we are sure happy for him. In a nut shell I think I am still mad that he has to do that. Who wants to move on in finding a new spouse? The crappy thing is my mom has died and it's now time for all of us left behind to start a new chapter in our lives. I guess that's the downfall of living in a small town for forever. Eeryone thinks they know what is best, and they let you know what they think. I often think back when my mom was very sick. She was not up to having visitors, she felt like crap, looked like crap ,and didn't have the energy to chat with people. Some people respected her wishes, and some did not. They wanted to see her. I am sure they didn't think of it as being selfish. They thought of them selves as great friends and they needed for themselves to do more than just send a card. I guess what I am thinking/feeling/saying. These are the same people that have an opinion about moving on, getting married, and even moving. Even people here in Utah like to give their 2 cents and they don't even know anything. Until we have walked in another shoes we have no idea what they are feeling. It has been along 2 years. Seeing my dad always on the go. Not wanting to be alone. A big house becomes alot bigger when you are lonely. We have been able to spend alot of time with him in the last 2 years. Looking for a positive :) that has been fun. We again were not little girls needing our moms. (well you always need your mom) Look around and someone always has it worse. I used to use months as markers as to how I was doing. I think I have now moved onto years :) Life puts us on the ground, sometimes harder than others. But we have to learn to get up and move forward. I know I have rambled on for forever, but just feelings I have had brewing for a while. CHEERS to the next year :)